selected from the book by Joseph Kirschner
Language is the most important tool of manipulation.
Use conscious language means necessary to say at the right moment and to listen when needed.
Use targeted language means: do not say at all costs what we think or feel, and what most likely will help our intentions.
Why often without further ado achieve more than many words?
Do yourself a very simple experience: Tell someone you know who has just returned from leave, just one sentence: “Now tell how it was.”
Listen carefully, and insert occasionally a remark such as “Look” or urged him to tell in detail one or another experience. You will see that when you know your farewell hand, he will do it with pleasure and full of sympathy for you.
In manipulative game is necessary to observe the following important points:
- Before you start a conversation, we must be aware of the purpose of his maneuver;
- If we believe in ourselves what we want to say in advance because we rethink everything, we will be able to expose convincingly without further ado;
- The attention of the enemy is not limited. Therefore, we must seize the moment in which he is ready to concentrate on our message;
- The attention of the enemy and his positive attitude towards us is very large then, whom he stands in the center of the conversation, ie if we talk about it or we’ve pushed myself to speak for themselves.
Art to think on one level, and to talk to another.
“The most important ability of a politician’s mastery of the art of thinking on the same level, and to talk to another” – Eleanor Roosevelt.
Do we really have to rise above concepts such as honesty, openness and truth?
Joint life of the people would be smooth if you stick to the above terms. But we just do not. Too many habits and weaknesses hinder us. Above all, we only very rarely are receptive to honesty, openness and truth.
Of course, often meet people who proudly say to yourself: “I say openly what I think.” But you really do, or rather interested in the impression you leave with others? If they really acted on this principle, we invariably we would find how little impression it makes on others.
All of us, without exception, throughout their lives are in constant dichotomy between what we think and want, and what we can say. We differ in their ability to deal with this dichotomy.
To what extent will we ever get it depends on only one power – the ability to make controlling pause on the way of thinking and speaking our thoughts. At this point will transport what we think at a level different from the level of our thinking.
A simple example. Suppose a family man returns home from work and his wife put dinner soup. As soon as swallowed the first spoonful, found that something in the soup is not in order. He thinks angry: “All day I worked like cattle, and she get me a soup that tastes like dishwater.” In your anger excuses he immediately tells his wife what she thought of her soup. The consequences could easily be foreseen. Scary woman will be offended. Not that her soup is bad. She probably will not mind to admit that sin. What will force her to defend and turn to attack her husband are only his words. They just have not left her a chance to dialogue, to complete satisfactorily for both participants. At least that night.
Apparently the man with his statement he did not want anything but to get rid of your discontent. Which is completely understandable. But what is achieved? Only that the relationship between him and his wife a few hours or even days will suffer from his thoughtless words.
Controlling creative pause would have saved all this. Before you say the words, to stop and consider: “What benefit is there to tell you all this? The soup will become a better you? Hardly. Therefore, it remains my only one thing: to make sure that tomorrow or the next day to get something better for dinner. “It would deter him from expressing his thoughts first occurred to.
And probably will think of any praise in which to pack your message. Now you will say, “This sounds very simple, but the practice of everyday life is completely different.” So. But only if you leave the instantaneous reactions. Here, however, it is consciously embed between his thoughts and his words control mechanism that functions automatically, like what frame of mind you.
When you find yourself in a situation where it is unwise outcome of a call to be left to chance before you start to talk, seek to answer two very simple questions. Here are they:
- What I want to do what I say?
- What should I say to achieve this goal?
Try this method several times. After first successes will give you pleasure to use it in the future.
You can say anything to anyone. I mean everything. The question is how you do it.
Most people live with the obsession that there are things that simply should not be spoken. Know that it is better to say, but can not jump over the barrier of their inhibitions. Days, even years, their thoughts circling around such issues, always with the hope that they will somehow resolve itself. This is one reason why so many people are closed in themselves, are unhappy fate, misunderstood by others and always mark time with their desires and problems.
The ability to influence people is more than a selfish manipulation. This is a process of the discharge. To accomplish the goal that we have set is to be free for other tasks. At the beginning of this process there is always a conversation with someone else. Let’s start this conversation and to bring targeted beneficial for us to end, is a prerequisite for any manipulative maneuver.
“Language exists to changes ineffective reality as we like” – Ferdinand Raimund (poet).
What are the reasons why we are not making calls that would bring us closer to the goal? In fact, there is only one reason – fear of the unknown. We do not know how the enemy would react. Fear of failure or it will look funny. Because we have no idea how the conversation will go, do not go.
The main condition is to not look at himself as the protagonist in the game, but to maneuver, putting your opponent in this position. At first glance, the idea can you see too unusual. Here are six guidelines related whose practicality you can check at any time:
- Start the conversation, highlighting an advantage of the enemy. Thus from the outset placed in the center of the conversation. Ask him how his wife and children. Admire from tie on his suit and highlight any of its achievement of which you think particularly proud.
- Build on the positive atmosphere that arises in this way. Be careful with it in the center of the conversation remain opponent. If for a moment I thought, “What does this me?” Suspicion should be eliminated.
- The most effective method to enhance the positive atmosphere is to find a suitable question that intrigues opponent. He has indirectly affects the topic that excites you. In his answer would have to find a fulcrum to transfer further discussion of desired topic.
- Use the fulcrum to turn the conversation manipulative your message. Never say, “I want you to ….” or “You should ..” No matter how you wish your heart served him like a totally neutral towards him. Do not you have to engage with it. Aspirations rather do it the enemy. Say only what is needed and finish with a question like “What do you think?”
- If the opponent was not interested, list some benefits that could be derived. Do not miss to mention, however, some shortcomings which, of course, should not weigh more than the benefits. With questions and ideas induce the enemy to consider the pros and cons.
- If you continue to desist, stop the conversation. Leave the end open. Say: “Let’s talk about this another time” or “Consider things again.” You already know the position and the reasons for his refusal. Withdraw. Decide where you are wrong and you can fix things. Prepare for the next call. Because, as we know, in any case it is not advisable to expect success at the first attempt.
The key is to eliminate the fear that there are things you can not discuss with anyone at any time. You can do it, excluding any possibility of pre defeat, not by putting yourself and your opponent in the center of the conversation.
Four efficient method of using language
1 Better say ten times “yes” than one time “No”.
We are constantly tempted to say “No” to something we do not agree. This clearly defines our position. Distance ourselves from the problem and not loaded more with it.
But what about the other who wants to convince us, and whose self-esteem depends on its success? He will walk away with the feeling that we defeat him. You do not get angry. Much more likely to feel humiliated and has requested his revenge. And one day when we in turn try to convince him, he will decide that its time has come. He did not address business with our proposal and will advance against because, “Well, it’s my turn to give it back.” Word “not” hiding something final and offensive. It violates sharp contact between you and the other. The word “yes”, by contrast, binds. It retains the positive mutual attitudes, even if they’re now the opposite.
So pack your “no” into a “yes.” Say better: “Yes, you have every right, but …” or “Yes, it does sound better, but still have …”
2 Challenge your opponent with a little trick.
Going to want to know from someone something that he in no way wants to tell us, or just do not get the chance to urge himself to speak. In such a situation often find themselves journalists when should interview people who are not willing to say what they know. Skilled interviewers used in this case an old trick tested inherent also experienced card players: they bluff. They act like they know something that would be uncomfortable for their opponent in this game. Use subtle hints like, “I hear you …” or “For you say … is it true?” Note: this hints can be complete fiction, they only have to be made there, everywhere want to target the enemy. The reaction is usually paradoxical. Opponent suddenly finds himself in a situation where you have to defend. To justify, it is issued.
3 Challenge fantasy opponent to imagine what they want to convince him.
There is an old advertising rule. It reads: “An impressive image speaks more than a hundred words.” Same is true for the examples you give. Allow the opponent to imagine what you want to convince him.
If necessary, use items that are on hand.
4 Confuse your opponent by making small parts in major problem.
Rather than respond to the substance of the statement, choose a small detail that will become the starting point of our attack. Begin as saying: “What you say sounds – I admit – too convincing. Especially the way it presented. I admit, it was really impressive. However, there is a small cosmetic defect on which I want to draw your attention. You may see minor. But as you know, often gravel turn the car … ”
The opponent will expect tense your next words. Now it depends on you how you will develop your persuasive detail, so make it a focal point of the conversation and to deprive the enemy of his main argument.
It is unrealistic to expect that someone could briefly be described here adopt all laws of manipulation in the repertoire of daily communications. This is not necessary. Rather, everyone should take what meets the nature and quality. Improvement of only one of these properties may lead to advances that will fundamentally change our lives for the better.